selfishness

What is this I'm feeling? A struggle to grow, but still wanting some things to be the same. I always seem to find more than just me to blame. I like where I am, yet I know there is more ahead that will bring positive changes. My eyes burn. My stomach turns. My nerves set me to be a hermit. I wish it would all go the way I want it to. Selfishness sounds like the wrong word, but maybe that's exactly what it is.